First Kisses

Guys, what's your first kiss technique? Do you swoop right in and go for it? Do you ask permission? Do you wait until your date gives you eyes and a vibe to let you know it will be well received?

I've had a lot of first kisses in the last two years. I got so many actually that it got to a point that when yet another guy preemptively leaned in to plant one on me, I rolled my (closed) eyes thinking, ugh, here we go again. Here I am getting a very not special and unwelcome first kiss. 

So many of my dates leaned in with nary a seductive effort. Not a compliment, not a charming remark, not an acknowledgement of their appreciation of enjoying time with me. 

Nothing. 

But they went for it anyway. In the beginning, I was always so caught off guard that their mouth was on mine that I didn't have a chance to react. 

Then I learned to dodge. 

Now I dodge incoming kisses like the pro that I've become. No compliment on how I look? No acknowledgement of my charm? Then keep your kisses to yourself! 

Don't you think a kiss should be earned with a kind or flirty word? A deep look into my eyes? Or better yet, asking my permission like an actual, real, live gentleman? I do! 

My worst first kiss was Number 22 on my spreadsheet. We met in Georgetown for a walk around the waterfront and then he took me out to lunch. Our conversation flowed easily and I was having a nice enough time. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny spring day so after lunch I was up for going back to the park to lay in the sun. As we headed back down one of the side streets to the waterfront, he abruptly pushed me up against a wall and literally attacked my face. When I came up for air, I told him, 

"You just literally attacked my face!" 

He slobbered all over me. Ewww.

Worst. First. Kiss. Ever. 

A first kiss should be tentative, slow, gentle - an attempt to read a response to see if more is welcome. 

If that is not your technique, fix your technique. 

I'm pretty sure no one wants their face attacked after knowing you for one hour. 

I liked Number 62's first kiss. He waited till our second date, which I appreciated. I loved not being manhandled by him. After he took me out to dinner and listened to my stories in a way that made me feel comfortable being my most charming self, he walked me to the metro. 

He gave me a hug good bye and then stepped back, looked at me and then grabbed my face with both hands and planted one on me. It was like a scene from a movie! The groundwork had been laid so this was hot, sexy. When I told my friend about it, he started referring to him as Hot Grab Guy. Perfect. I liked that. 

My One True Tinder Love's first kiss caught me off guard. He probably swooped in too soon for my taste but his hand on my leg, my hands on his arm (oh his armsssss) had allowed for that boundary to be crossed so it was not unwelcome. And his kiss? Perfection. What he lacked in timing, he more than made up for with technique. 

Number 31's first kiss? Well, he didn't even wait. He went for it within five minutes of meeting me. It had seemed like we already knew each other though because we had been talking for a week. A lot. It's pretty funny - the only reason I swiped right on him was because his profile was so BAD - I wanted to help him with his typos and grammar! His pictures were terrible so I didn't think I would be into him at all. He was a good sport about my constructive criticism and he wanted to meet me. That was not my intention but after he messaged me for a week, was so nice, showed interest in me as an actual human and was so responsive, he wore me down. I figured I'd meet him and just make a new friend. However, when I saw him? Wow. His pictures did him NO justice. He was so attractive! So when he went right for it? After putting in a week of effort to get to know me and sensing the obvious chemistry, well, it was not unwelcome. Not one single bit. 

But the last guy who tried to kiss me on a first date? Oh, by then I was so sick of it. I literally told him right at dinner,

"Please don't try to kiss me tonight."

That didn't work. After dinner we went for a walk. And what did that sneak do? He asked permission. I was so caught off guard and pleased that SOMEONE finally asked permission that I acquiesced. But, he got the closed eye roll once his lips touched mine. I wasn't into it. Or him. Too soon. It made me not want to see him again. I just don't want to kiss anyone anymore who I have known for less than three hours. I mean, that seems reasonable.

Now I'm just back to dodging. And I am really good at that. 

So take note, dear male readers:

Give a compliment.

Be charming.

Lay some groundwork.

Make sure there is a vibe.

Don't slobber.

Try a handhold or a hand on thigh first.

Don't be afraid to tell your date you want to kiss her before going in for it.

Please... don't make us use our dodging skills on you. 

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This is my dream first kiss.

Do you have a good or bad first kiss story? Tell me about it in the comments!

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