The Spreadsheet
I figured when I started dating again at 41, it was probably going to take me a while to find someone. So, I figured it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep track of all my dates and see how many guys I would have to go though to find my next Boyfriend.
I keep track of things like their name and age, the platform I met them on (Tinder, Bumble, in real life), our activity, whether or not I felt a spark, if I fell in love.
I may or may not keep track of what base we went to. Wouldn't you like to know?
After a while, I started figuring out conversion rates. How many first dates converted to second? How many converted to third? How many converted to Boyfriend?
Zero. Zero converted to Boyfriend.
My conversion rates are terrible.
I once had a client who called herself a Data Whore. I liked that. She influenced me to be more numbers driven; I probably wouldn't have my spreadsheet if it weren't for her. And I wouldn't be able to tell you that from 78 first dates my conversion rates are:
2nd date: 26%
3rd date: 9%
4th date: 5%
5th date: 1%
So far, the most dates I've had with one person is twelve. Those were with my One True Tinder Love.
But that's another story.
For all the time I have spent swiping and conversing with and meeting people, how should I measure ROI?
Boyfriends? Terrible.
New friends? Low.
D*ck pics? Too many.
Heartache and disappointment? A lot.
Rejection? Tons. Constant rejection. Constant.
Life lessons? Many.
Lessons I would have been better off not knowing? Also, many.
Stories? Yeah, ROI for stories is good.
I have a lot of stories now.
I hope you are enjoying them.
*****
Do you have a great story? A good ROI example? How are your conversion rates? Tell me in the comments!
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Interesting. Have you noticed any patterns in this data though? Do people from certain platforms, or with whom you do certain activities as dates tend to work best?
ReplyDeleteWhat I would be interested in finding out would be to create a reverse spreadsheet to find out what people who met me think. Then I would know either what to change (if it is something I have no idea about), or what kind of women to approach, if it's something I have no interest in changing - like talking to women early about their feelings on marriage, kids etc. I wonder if you could ask people to do that now that you have a platform to talk about your experiences.
Hi Kyle! Thanks for your comment! I have not analyzed my data for patterns but I do have more analysis and know why conversion rates are so low. That part is proprietary though! That is a good idea, maybe you should make a Google Forms questionnaire and send it out to all your past dates!
DeleteI'm on a number of sites and it's been pretty much a shotgun approach. I've gotten a few friendships, a couple of brief relationships, and not many 2nd or 3rd dates. I like/fear the idea of sending out the questionnaire.
ReplyDeleteI do have a question (well, several, but I won't impose) about whether your analysis has led you to approach your selection process differently and if it's changed the likelihood of a second, third date. Thanks and I'll take my answer off the air...
Haha, hi John. Thank you for your comment. Feel free to ask me your questions. I welcome them! The answer to the one you asked is yes. I have become more selective because a. I just don't have time and b. I am just tired of being disappointed and don't feel like casting such a wide net anymore. I was very innocent and naive when I started app dating and it exposed me to a lot of people with very bad manners which got really depressing. Therefore, my conversion rates should improve but only because I am going on way less dates than I did before. That spark is rare and hard to find and in a future blog which I will post soon, I talk more about how I feel about whether or not I am going to find "Him."
DeleteSorry you've run across some ill-mannered folks; I will say, even if a lot of my dates havent gone anywhere, I havent had a bad experience. I guess women are nicer (at least to start :p) Have you gotten any better at sussing out the jerks before you go out, either through the profile or any chatting before you agree to go out? Have you tightened up your criteria? What are you not willing to compromise on anymore?
DeleteBy "Him" I assume you do not mean God...:p
My dates have usually been polite to me. It is the ignoring and the ghosting that happens later that upsets me. I always tell people: rejection is better than confusion.
DeleteIt's a fair point. I've been guilty of it. The usual avoidance of confrontation. As always, I'm a work in progress.
DeleteCatching up on your blog is fun... If I didn't have a date in 30 minutes I'd keep digging. It sounds like you're rocking it. I get a ton of heat from my gal pals for keeping a spreadsheet but here's my ROI: 2nd dates: 22% (after starting 0-16), 3rd dates 12%, 7 dates: 1 of 68, 10+ dates 1 of 68. Cute clever bloggers swiped right on: 0 dates (so far - ahem). Regular friends 3%, business contacts 4.5%. I'd trade 'em all for that elusive gf. Question. If you found a guy who was willing - would you document the relationship on a separate blog? Suppose he wasn't willing - would you pledge to not mention him? As if the ethics of online dating weren't vague enough! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your stats Cliff Pintak. Sounds like we are having similar results. Any guy who dates me has to know he may inspire me but if that happened, it would all be in the same blog. Maybe I'd have to change the name though - Finally in the Passenger Seat.
DeleteOh, and good luck on your date tonight!
DeleteYour only fourth dates were #10 and #39 (booty-calls), #68 (dumped by text), and OTTL (dumped you for age). Then you had vacation flings with two hot young Argentines. You also dated a 21-year-old model #70 and a 27-year-old #86.
ReplyDeleteYou focus on age and looks. How many dates were your age, or in their fifties? Prepare to become a stepmom, or date an older man with grown kids. Or have a few final shallow booty-calls before dying alone.
It seems like you narcissistically used some men for free dinners, photos, and writing material, while waiting for unattainable relationships with hot young men. Men with options will not tolerate that.
Dear KL, being aesthetically sensitive is about as much a curse on my life as the lack of effort that DC men put into their appearance. Do you think I don't wish I could choose to fall in love with someone for just their warm and loving personality? Sadly, we do not choose who we are attracted to and that is not something that can be forced. As far as being a step mom, I would be lucky to be one! It just hasn't worked out for me. Let me be absolutely clear where you are 10000% percent wrong. I did not narcissistically use ANYONE. I never want to be an expensive date - and always feel bad and awkward about men paying for me. Every time a man is generous with me I appreciate it VERY much. I usually offer dates that are free activities to avoid that. I also don't use people for material. Since I started my blog, of course I have looked at dating with different eyes and have found inspiration. Where you are correct is yes, I have asked some of my dates to also serve as photographer but I wouldn't call that using them. It was their choice, it was fun, and it was helpful and appreciated. But yeah, I probably will die alone. My plan is opoid addiction and only eating chocolate after I turn 70.
DeletePlease answer before moving into a cave with Oprah. How many were older; how many were six years older?
DeleteKL, it will take me a while to figure out the statistics on who was older/younger. I can tell you that the majority were not older. I have one correction for you which is a great example about how when one presumes something, one is not necessarily correct. "Ten" was only a first date. Subsequent meetings with him were not "dates." The correct 4th dates were:
Delete1. OTTL (#4)
2 #11 - not mentioned in my blog
3 #62 (not 68 as I believe you mistakenly typed above)
4 Leandro #97
5 Jonas #98
I have no idea what 21 year old model you are referring to unless you meant my roommate Luke, but there was nothing more than awesome platonic friendship there.
I also don't know what your point is about #86.
It seems to me as you are expecting me to settle or lower my standards and that your message comes across in a manner lacking manners.
Luckily for me, I am happy on my own so I have no need to settle for anything less than the type of spark I had with my OTTL.
And one final word for you:
Macron.
You eagerly walked through rain to #10's place for a first date, but told #78 the second date was too soon to go to his place. My point is you only want "non-dates" with hot, young guys.
DeleteIt sucks to be only attracted to men with whom you cannot have relationships. But it also sucks for a man to court a woman on multiple dates while she is hooking up with #10, #39, etc. And it sucks for a successful, charming, hot men to waste time on shallow women who are not worth a relationship.
Dear KL, I think you need to go back and re-read because you seem confused. When I walked in the rain to Ten's place, it was after we had been "seeing" each other for a year. And our time together was for one purpose only and that was NOT building a relationship. With #78, I had thought that maybe he was considering potential with me so that was why that bothered me. Does that make sense?
DeleteLet me further explain to you that one of the reasons, aside from yes, wanting gentleman who is attractive and fit (and why shouldn't I?), that I tend to go out with younger males is that those are the ones who ask me out! Guys in their 40's want women in their 30's and guys in their 30's want women in their 20's. Yes, of course sometimes older men who I do not match with proactively contact me and ask me out but I am not going to go out with someone just because they contact me if I don't think I will be interested.
In reference to all the things you listed as "sucking." Yes, the whole entire dating experience today sucks.
If I was being courted by a man I was interested in, I wouldn't be seeing other men on the side so I am not sure why you would think that. And, hopefully, you are not referring to me when you refer to shallow women. Because that would really hurt my feelings.
I think you should read my book. It would give you a lot more insight into these topics we are just scratching the surface on.
"Luckily for me, I am happy on my own..."
DeleteEhh, is that why you have so many blogs and tinder cross-country? I definitely see where KL is coming from. Not sure why you're not seeing his(?) points.
Vic ad, I do not understand your point. Just because I am happy on my own, does that mean I should not seek male attention or companionship? Why do I have so many blogs? I don't even understand that question. It seems like you don't like me very much though. Feel free to read someone else's blog who you might like better.
DeleteJust because I disagree with you, does not mean I don't "like" you. You have enough white knights around this joint that will always agree with every single point you make (=boring). I thought women liked a little challenge, no?
Deletevic ad, I have enough challenges in my life, trust me. I don't really need snarky comments from strangers. I don't think anyone does. Disagreeing politely so that your differing doesn't leave me with a bad impression of YOU is something totally different.
DeleteHi Jen, it's me Bridget! I read your Twitter posts, and saw a link to your blog, the last one had a link to this post. I read it and all the comments, and I still can relate to when you say you'd rather be single than settle, and "the whole entire dating experience today sucks"! Text me if you see this comment! :)
ReplyDeleteJust to mention, it's Bridget H from Ann Arbor! (In case you have other Bridget friends)
DeleteHi Bridget! Thanks for your comment - yeah, it is a shame what the experience has become.
Delete