Bad news doesn't get better with time

[This is part two of a story. You can read part one here.]

So, if you have been reading me, you know that my conversion rate from first date to second date is only 26.7%. That is so bad, right? Well, did I get to see #86 again? Did my conversion rate improve?

On our first date, we had made plans for a few days later, but with these things, one never knows. Would I actually get to see his handsome face again and enjoy his company one more time before going back to DC? 

It appeared so... especially since by accident I had left my nice shoes in his car. I mean, who doesn't bring a pair of flip flops and a pair of fancy shoes on date?! Given that he wanted to give me back my shoes I felt a bit more confident that I would see him again. But whoever knows? You just can't count on anything these days.

Well...

The first day after our date, we messaged and everything seemed great. He was nice. He was responsive. There wasn't a ton of messaging because we are both really busy, but the vibe was good.

Then? 

Nothing. 

Silence. 

Not only did he not respond to my messages, he didn't even see them. The last message he saw and responded to was at 9:15 the night before. He didn't see my next message. In the morning, he still hadn't seen it. I thought, maybe he went to bed early? By afternoon I thought, maybe he was too busy at work, I'll surely hear from him by evening.

By evening, still, nothing.

Gahhhhhh.

On our first date he had acted like the perfect gentleman he had claimed that he was. He had met my parents for goodness sake! And he had been super cool about it!  He had seemed really genuine and nice. My radar about people is usually spot on. I mean, I have lived with enough of them to become an expert on humans! Could I have read him that wrong? It just didn't seem like he'd be the type of guy to ignore me or ghost. Plus, he had my shoes!!!! I mean, why in the world would he even bother ignoring me?! It made no sense. We don't even live in the same state, what would be the point when I was leaving in a few days??

So what was it? Was he busy? Did he lose interest? 

By nighttime I still hadn't heard from him; he still hadn't even seen the messages.

Then...

I remembered how on our date, he had told me he has a really bad problem of falling asleep at the wheel and had been very lucky each time to wake up just in time. He was working on getting more sleep to avoid future occurrences. No, that didn't stress me out at all when he told me (NOT).

Oh my god. 

Was he dead in a ditch somewhere? 

More time passed. Still nothing.

I was like, oh my god, if he is dead, how will I even know?! I googled his name. No helpful results. I knew he had a brother so I looked him up on Facebook to see if he had posted anything tragic. Then, I worried if he had posted something tragic, would he have posted it to just friends? Or would it be public? How would I knowwwwwwww?!?!

I remembered he gave me his business card that had his phone number. I called him. No answer. I texted. Nothing. Man, I hate texting! You really don't know if you are being ignored or if the person you are texting is in a coma.

I didn't want to seem "creepy." I wondered if he had read my creepiness blog and hoped that if he ever did see my messages he'd realize I was truly just worried, not trying to harass him. It was so annoying that on top of worrying if was he in a ditch or in the hospital, I also had to worry about appearing "crazy."

This is why I hate dating!!! You have an awesome time with someone. They seem so nice and genuine. They say they want to see you again and you feel like maybe it is safe to be excited that you actually will. And then you are put in a position of wondering if the person is busy, ignoring you or even alive. I just HATE IT. 

Thank god I have two years of experience with this kind of vibe killing situation so my entire day wasn't ruined (because that has DEFINITELY happened on MANY occasions). But it did make me think, what is even the POINT of having fun with someone if this is the outcome?

Honestly, it wasn't fun.

I hoped I would hear from him by the time I woke up the next day.

The next day, the day we were supposed to go on our second date, I woke up at 5:30. He still hadn't seen my messages. Dread started to overcome me. When was I going to know if I was seeing him? And worse, was I going to have to spend the whole day worrying about some guy I don't even know?!?!

FINALLY, at 7:00 AM he texted me. 

YESSSSS!!!! He was alive!!!

He worked so much the day before, had left his phone in his truck. Blah blah blah. I have been doing this long enough to know that those are just excuses. Clearly he was avoiding me for some reason but I was so happy he wasn't DEAD that I didn't care. 

We had a little messaging session and everything seemed cool, of course he apologized for worrying me.

And then... the typing bubbles...

You know the bubbles that show you that the other person is typing? Well, they went on and on and on and on. I was like, OMG, what is this dude doing?! 

The bubbles continued.

He was taking foreverrrrrrr.

Bad news had to be coming. Was he cancelling our date?

I joked, "You better be writing me a 500 word love letter for how long this is taking you lol."

Yeah, um, kind of the opposite. Of course I was right... he totally was avoiding me the day before!

When he finally pressed send, I basically received an essay on how he doesn't want to be ambiguous... doesn't want a relationship... had a great time with me but the thought of a relationship gave him anxiety... I'm fantastic and beautiful and fun... but he's so busy... should probably have told me in person... just wants to make sure I am not expecting more out of this than he is... not trying to play games... still really wants to see me.. just wants to make sure I know where he stands... does he completely suck?

(Yeah, he completely sucks at pressing the SEND button!)

Honestly, it was really a sweet message as far as these types of messages go. It was clear and kind and considerate. Subtract the part of him avoiding me for a day while he processed what he wanted to say and I would give him an  A+.

My response to him?

Dude.
Calm down.
I don't even live here.

And then he laughed and felt better and realized he had really stressed himself (and me) out for nothing.

So, I did get my shoes back!

And, I did get to have a GREAT second date with him which included mashed potato and bacon pizza at Otto, the best pizza in Maine. 

We fully enjoyed each other's company without him having anxiety and I only made fun of him about 40% of the time for freaking out over nothing and ignoring me. I was like, "Thanks for being so concerned about hurting me that you made me worry you were dead."

lollll

Anyway, what is the lesson here? Well, first of all, just please don't make people worry you are in a ditch somewhere.

• If you have thoughts to process, just say you are busy and will respond when you have free time.
• Process your thoughts so that you can explain them in a kind and considerate way as #86 did. 
• Be up front about what you want and need. Set your boundaries and don't be afraid to do so. 
• Don't make assumptions that cause you anxiety. In this case, my goodness. #86 got both of us all worked up when there really was no issue! 
• Once you have your thoughts processed, don't procrastinate delivering them.

As I told #86 on our date, the best advice I ever got from one former boss was, "Bad news doesn't get better with time."

I am so glad I got to see him again. He's so great. And I am so grateful I got to have those two awesome nights on planet earth with another human being. 

And, just look at that handsome face.

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How do you handle tough topics? Tell me in the comments!

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